I’m always a little bit suicidal. I would be more so but I’ve become pretty talented with compartmentalization. I can almost always push the thoughts back into their little brain boxes. Driving is the only time I can’t distract myself from death daydreams. Every time I drive down a lonely stretch of highway I imagine accelerating then suddenly turning the wheel of my shitty old SUV sharply to the left. It would be so easy to flip and roll. Fords are pieces of shit so I sincerely doubt I would make it.
I made the mistake of doing something like this in a Subaru when I was 16, hitting a cement highway divider at 65mph. My car was crushed but I was unscathed. My survival was so miraculous that it was covered by the local news… “Local teen’s quick thinking averts tragedy.” The police that were interviewed said I handled the car incredibly well for someone so young (which, of course, was bullshit.) Quality Japanese auto manufacturing saved me. The cops said that in almost any other car I would have died. I know now that if I do decide to go out in a blaze of flaming vehicular glory, I can’t be behind the wheel of a Subaru. Which makes me kind of sad. I love Subarus.
