My mom didn’t want me to volunteer at Planned Parenthood. Not because she didn’t agree with the politics (I come from one of the only liberal families in SD,) she just didn’t want me to chance getting shot crossing the picket lines. But I was adamant and Planned Parenthood was desperate so I arranged a time to come in. That morning I parked my car in the supermarket parking lot down the street (to keep the crazies from defacing it,) navigated around the guy dressed as the grim reaper (awesomely complete with plastic fetus hanging from a sickle) and walked in.
I thought I would be answering phones or something clerical but I was told by the nurse that I would be with the doctor all day. To keep from getting sued Planned Parenthood in South Dakota had a volunteer stand next to the doctor during all exams. I must have seen about 15 vaginas that day. And breast exams. Lots of breast exams.
Finally the doctor told me we were about to see the last patient of the day. I was getting a little grossed out (it’s not that I don’t love vaginas, I really do, I just can only handle so many a day.) The most tan woman I had ever seen lay before me. She was most likely in her 30’s be she could have passed for 55. The doctor started with a breast exam. The woman opened the front of her paper hospital robe and exposed her two enormous leathery breasts. I tried not to stare but they were incredible. So big, so brown, so textured… then the doctor squeezed the left breast and blood came out of the nipple. I don’t know what happened after that. I think I astrally projected myself out of the room. I believe he told her to stop tanning. I mean, he must have told her to stop tanning, right?
So that was the first and last time I volunteered at Planned Parenthood. Eventually the picketers and the politicians won so the clinic closed. But whenever I’m back and drive past what used to be the clinic (I think it’s a Burger King now,) I remember that awful breast and why I decided to forever stay out of the sun.